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Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Great, Dr. Phil vs Jezebel debate over what is "Shameful" teen girl behavior. Who is right?

Why does shame exist? Is shame outdated?

Why does society place "shame" on people, especially if the behavior that is considered shameful is between consenting people of similar ages. Does shame exist to punish those who give in to all of their impulses and as a way to elevate those who don't give in to those same impulses?

Is text messaging and all the instant gratification wireless communicating creates manifesting a culture of "impulse madness", are people beginning to believe that acting on all of their impulses is a "right"?

Imagine being a teenage girl who is shunned by boys because she controls her impulses better than another girl who simply enjoys her impulses. If shame didn't exist, girls who adhered to a stronger form of impulse control would lose out to those willing to be "looser" with their impulses. What do I mean by "lose out". lol, I'm not sure.

Clearly an impulse controller would lose out of being on the receiving end of inmature brats with a limited attention span who only value people that just want to have fun. Is that a bad thing? Or, is it just part of growing up to be able to interact with people of a similar age no matter how stupid or pointless their behavior might be? Is being so in control of impulses that elders respect you but people your own age ignore you also a detriment?

Is it shameful to enjoy giving in to consensual impulses?

If someone is labeled a "whore" but they like being a whore and like what a whore does, are they really a whore? It would seem to me a whore is someone who does something for money that they don't like to do. Uh oh, that definition could apply to most of us who have taken jobs we did not believe in but did it because we would be paid and needed the money.

If a teenage girl is paid by a teenage boy to perform a sexual act on him, should she be shamed by others who found out about what she did? The website Jezebel says no, how dare anybody judge a teenage girl. On the other side, a Dr. Phil video clip featured in that same Jezebel article says its time to take back your child from bad behavior.

The old school method taught by many of our moms was that it is the girl that dictates a boys behavior. If a girl is stricter in controlling her own impulses, we boys will follow and be more respectful as well. In the old school way, formality ruled and being formal was supposed to create respect, if not from one's peers, than from the adults.

Jezebel is saying forget that, each sex should have its own standard that is not codependent upon the other side, or, the two sides should be judged equally when an allegedly shameful act occurs. Jezebel also appears to be asking why is it society's business to judge consensual acts anyways?

Why should a teenage girl be shamed by society for performing a sexual act on a teenage boy of a same age, for money, while the boy receives no label in return? Either both people get a label, or nobody gets a label is the message that jezebel is espousing. I suppose the question of legality is also an issue as well. But is that really the reason the act is considered shameful, because it is illegal?

If we really took a big step back, wouldn't the person who pays for sex be the one who should be more "ashamed" than the one who receives money? Yet somehow, in general, the performer is considered by society to be the one who should be shamed more, especially if they happen to be female.

Is it wrong to try and shame people of similar ages who engage in consensual acts? If shaming children is not an option, does that diminish the role of the parent to nothing more than a room and board provider if they can't use shame to guide their child's growth towards adulthood?

Or does successful parenting involve teaching children without shaming them? What if shame is proving to be the most successful method for teaching a particular child?

There are exceptions to the shame rule of course. If the recipient is famous enough, then they actually will be shamed more than the performer. But if the two people involved have a similar standing in life, it seems like the performer who is being paid is supposed to be shamed more than the recipient, especially if they are female.

Is the standard of shame changing as each new generation creates their own rules. Will the day will come when shame is no longer a tool used to mold or manipulate behavior? If the day comes when shaming is considered shameful, will be a good day, or a bad day?

If Barack Obama ends up being a really bad president, and all of the reasons PUMA gave for why Barack Obama would be a bad president prove to be true, should people who ridiculed PUMA feel ashamed?

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